Why Starting Therapy Feels Hard: Understanding the Barriers & How to Move Past Them
Many people push off therapy, often because they’re unsure whether their struggles “count,” they don’t know where to begin, or they feel shaped by gender expectations and generational beliefs about mental health. This blog explores the most common reasons individuals hesitate to seek support and how to know when you’re ready to begin your healing journey.
Therapy Can Seem Overwhelming
Starting therapy can feel daunting for many people. Trying to find the right therapist, imagining opening up, and even thinking about talking about things like feelings can feel overwhelming and deeply uncomfortable. For some, it can seem easier to avoid it altogether, to keep everything bundled up and pushed down, convincing yourself you’ll deal with it later. And yet, despite how hard it can feel, taking those early steps, reaching out to a few clinicians, getting a sense of who you connect with, scheduling that first session, can be incredibly meaningful. Even if the process feels awkward or vulnerable at first, it’s often far more manageable (and worthwhile) than we imagine.
Therapy isn’t about showing up with the “right” words or having everything figured out. A therapist offers a space where you can come exactly as you are, whether that means venting, sorting through confusion, making sense of patterns, or learning how to sit with emotions in a new way. Sometimes it’s about being heard. Sometimes it’s about building insight or skills. Often, it’s a mix of all of it. The right therapist meets you where you are and moves at your pace.
So if therapy can be supportive and healing, why does starting still feel so hard? Much of that hesitation isn’t personal, it’s shaped by stigma, messaging, and long-held beliefs about what therapy means and who it’s “for.”
How Stigma Holds People Back From Therapy
Stigma doesn’t just shape public attitudes, it directly impacts a person’s willingness to acknowledge their own struggles. Many people delay seeking help out of fear of being judged, misunderstood, or seen as “weak”, which can cause symptoms to worsen over time. This hesitation often leads individuals to cope in silence, relying on unhealthy patterns or waiting until their distress becomes overwhelming.
In the United States, “1 in 5 adults - about 20.6% of the population - experience mental illness, and for most people, symptoms begin early, with 75% developing challenges before the age of 24.” While stigma surrounding therapy has slowly decreased across generations, it still influences when and whether people seek help. Understanding why people hesitate can help us recognize the signs that it may be time to reach out for support.
How Gender Roles Can Affect Going to Therapy
For Men
In many traditional American gender roles, men are often taught to fear failure, stay independent, and take on the role of the provider. From a young age, boys may hear messages like, “don’t be emotional” or “handle it on your own,” which can shape how they learn to cope. Over time, these expectations can create shame or resistance around seeking help, because it feels like it conflicts with what they were told it means to “be a man.”
For Women
While women are more likely to seek therapy, the numbers still show a significant gap in support. Only about 49.7% of adult women pursue mental health services (Frye, 2022). Women are often expected to manage the emotional needs of others (partners, children, family members, coworkers) while minimizing their own. This “invisible labor” can make therapy feel like one more thing they have to carry instead of space for themselves.
How Barriers to Therapy Differ Across the Lifespan
Across different stages of life, people face unique challenges that influence whether they seek mental health support. What holds a teenager back from reaching out often looks very different from the barriers an adult or older adult might face. Understanding these generational differences helps us better recognize why so many individuals, regardless of age, struggle to access therapy, even when they need it.
The following sections break down the most common obstacles for children and young adults, adults, and older populations, highlighting how each group’s experience shapes their path to getting help.
Children, teens, and young adults:
The age group with the highest prevalence of mental illness is between the ages of 12-25, and this age group is also the least likely to seek therapy (Watsford & Rickwood, 2013). There are various obstacles that younger people face when seeking therapy, such as negative attitudes about seeking help, not knowing what to expect in therapy, and having the overall belief that therapy will not work are a few.
Adults:
The barrier with the most prevalence for adults seeking therapy is the ability to afford these services. Other increasing complications are also feeling they can handle their problems on their own, not sure where to go, and not having enough time in their lives.
Elderly:
A common barrier for older individuals to receiving therapy is accessibility. Older populations have a scaringly low representation at 4% of accessing mental health services. More than one-third of services have policies that exclude older individuals receiving therapy (Chaplin et al., 2014).
4 Steps We Can Take to Break These Barriers
Recognizing the barriers that keep people from starting therapy is only the first step. The next is understanding what we can actually do about it. While stigma, access issues, and misinformation continue to shape how people approach mental health care, there are meaningful changes - both individual and systemic - that can make therapy more approachable, accessible, and effective. The following section explores practical ways we can begin to close these gaps and support people in getting the help they deserve.
Building a Therapeutic Relationship
Especially for predominantly male populations, building a therapeutic relationship that focuses on self-control, independence, and agency can increase alliance. Therapeutic self-disclosure has been shown to be beneficial as well.
Increase Access to Clear, Understandable Information About Mental Health Services
Like previously mentioned, one of the barriers people have when going into therapy is not knowing where to go. Allowing the public easy access to information on these services can help others find what kind of services they need, what to expect, and overall clearer insight. Insurance companies are a great example on where information could become more available.
Informing the Public the Importance of Mental Health
Many people believe therapy is only for those in crisis or with severe mental health concerns. This misconception causes individuals to downplay their own struggles and suffer silently, believing they don’t “qualify” for help. In reality, therapy is a supportive space for managing stress, processing life experiences, improving relationships, and caring for mental health at any stage, not just during moments of crisis.
Use Your Voice
Protest-based advocacy has shown promising results in past research. For example, in 1999 a group of Australians submitted a formal complaint to the mental health organization SANE, calling out harmful and inaccurate media portrayal of mental illness. In response, SANE reviewed the concerns and implemented changes that contributed to a significant reduction in media reports linking depression to negative stereotypes, dropping from 33% to 10% by 2010.
This is such a great example of how impactful it is to speak up and advocate for ourselves and our loved ones!
Support Is Closer Than It Feels
Choosing therapy isn’t about weakness, it’s about recognizing that you deserve support, not just survival. When stigma and fear are met with compassion and the right therapeutic fit, real healing becomes possible. Therapy can help you build clarity, emotional regulation, and self-trust. If you’re considering reaching out, know that help is available and you don’t have to do this alone.
